Shiver
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: "Grandpa, Mommy was talking to Daddy again last night."


**Title: Shiver**  
**Summary: "Grandpa, Mommy was talking to Daddy again last night."**

* * *

His deep, throaty laugh echoed through the room. His eyes crinkled and he gasped for air as Kate told the ridiculously funny story about something their son had told her on their way home from preschool.

"He's definitely a little mini Castle." She said, her green eyes misty with unshed tears and a bright smile.

Rick nodded, calming down from laughing. "I can't believe I missed that."

"Yeah, me either." She looked down at the mattress and traced that pattern with her index finger. "You're missing so much, Castle." She almost whispered.

He's quiet, too quiet, and it's killing her. She needs his voice. It's like her fuel, what she runs on. He never would know how much his words meant to her. She looks up at him finally. "I wish you didn't-"

"Kate, stop." He's almost stern when he says it, like he's scolding their son.

"No." Angry tears slip out as she grits her teeth. "You _idiot_. Why did you do this to us?"

She shakes his head. They've done this so many times since last October. He wasn't going to hear it again, because he wasn't sorry that he did it. He'd do it again. "I'm not doing this again, Kate. How many times do we have to have this same argument before you stop. I don't regret what I did. I did what was best."

"That's real easy for you to say Castle." She said harshly. "You're not the one raising a four year old alone…holding him at night when he cries because Daddy never finished reading to him." Her voice wavers, but she goes on. "You never finished reading that damn book to him, Castle and…and I can't read it because I don't do the voices like Daddy. No one does." She angrily wipes at the tears. "Do you know how hard it is to tell our son that Daddy's never coming back?!"

"It wouldn't be better to tell him his Mommy isn't coming back! This would be hard either way." He almost yells at her and she cringes. This is so unlike her, but she can't have him yell at her. She physically can't. She breaks down and cries. Hard.

He is instantly there, wrapping his strong arms around her, and for the first time in five months, she feels safe.

"This is so hard." She cries into his shirt.

He rubs her back and rests his chin on her head. "I know." He whispers into the darkness of their bedroom. "I know."

"Why did you have to do this. Always have to be the hero." She sobs. "I need you, Rick. We both need you."

"You would've died." He says into her hair.

"That would've been better than this."

"Don't say that."

"It would've." She says into his neck. "Liam needs you. He needs his dad…someone that isn't…me. He needs _you_."

He holds her tighter. "You're doing a great job. He adores you."

"That's…that's not the point. I..." She hiccups a sob. "I just miss you."

He nods and drops a kiss to her hair. "I miss you too, Kate."

* * *

"Grandpa, Mommy was talking to Daddy again last night." Liam said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he walked into the kitchen.

"She was?" Jim asked, sitting a bowl of Fruit Loops on the table for the boy.

Liam nodded and dug into the cereal. He was quiet for a few minutes. "She was crying."

Jim sat his coffee down and started for the stairs. "I'm going to go check on her." He walked up the stairs slowly and took a deep breathe before knocking on the door. "Katie?"

It was quiet for a few minutes before he heard her quiet voice. "Yeah?"

"I was just…checking to see if you wanted any breakfast." He said.

"Oh." Kate said quietly again. "No…no, not right now. Castle is still sleeping."

Jim sighed. "Alright." He heard her move a little on her bed and then it was quiet. He pushed the door open slightly and peered inside. The sight in front of him broke his heart. Kate was laying there, the blanket pulled tightly around her and she's clutching a pillow tightly to her chest.

"Dad," She hissed. "We're trying to sleep."

"Oh. Sorry." And he closed the door and walked back downstairs.

* * *

**So, review?**


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